Ego, #itscomplicated. However, ego is necessary as we navigate through life. When I think of ego, I think of Goldilocks. She sampled different bowls of porridge before finding the one that was “just right.” Ego, same thing. Finding just the right amount of ego can work for us. Too much or too little ego can work against us. I know the importance of staying connected with my healthy ego, but it’s not always easy. Ego is indeed complicated. Here’s my take on it.
According to Janine Lattimore, “The ego is your ‘I-ness’ and includes your thoughts, beliefs, memories, and emotions. It is the mental image we hold of our identity as a human being, and it guides our decisions and behavior.” So, yes ego is important. It is our perception of how we fit in, what we’re capable of doing, what encourages us to take risks, and believe in our potential. This is the role of a healthy ego.
Unhealthy ego convinces you that you are never enough. It has an insatiable appetite and always wants more. More recognition, more money, more of everything in order to be the most important person in the room. This overbearing desire consumes the individual and he or she ends up being far removed from who they really are.
Fr. Richard Rohr notes, “The ego knows itself by comparison.”
Experience has taught me that an unhealthy ego prevents connecting with who we’re meant to be. A healthy ego knows we’re enough because we’re able to be more connected to who we really are. The unhealthy ego is never satisfied, it is exhausting, not only for the person holding it, but also for the people around them.
Is there a “just right” ego? I suppose that “just right” ego is always a work in progress. In other words, I believe we are constantly challenged to pay attention to our ego and know when it’s heading south. For example, when you win a big account, or land that client it’s easy to let the unhealthy ego take over. You can easily get sucked in to, “Look how great I am!” When this happens, you’re letting the ego take the driver’s seat. For me, I try to keep my ego is in the backseat, allowing it to chime in only when appropriate. Bottom line, unhealthy ego believes we’re entitled to the good things that happen to us. While the healthy ego feels gratitude when good things happen.
S.Chris Edmonds of Fast Company does a nice job of clarifying ego, “Your ego is an asset and devaluing your ego stunts your development as a leader and makes it harder to champion a healthy, inspirational work culture”. He goes on to explain, “embracing your ego doesn’t automatically make you a raging narcissist, either. Instead, it can give you a personal advantage that, if you harness it appropriately, translates into a competitive advantage for you and your organization. Your ego is a good thing. You came into this world with it and it provides the essential framework through which you understand the world and your place within it.”
At the end of the day, ego can be valuable as long as we harness it appropriately. Ego is what’s needed to keep dreams our alive and our teams inspired. But again, too much of it can have the opposite effect, sabotaging our efforts and discouraging culture. Seems ironic, doesn’t it? At this stage of my life I’m learning that when my ego is in check, I’m more connected with myself and others, I’m more productive. Life is just better. Don’t let your unhealthy ego prevent you from experiencing this. Keep your ego in check.
Thinking Out Loud,
Nicki