When the ego takes the wheel, it controls the journey. Even in the passenger seat, it can’t resist steering. But in the back seat, the ego succumbs—no longer in charge, letting the heart lead.”    – N. Anderson

I am grateful for my ego. It pushed me to reach my goals and pursue all that I wanted. My ego led me to success – or at least, my idea of success. Life experience has taught me that ego is all about leading with the head, not the heart. The head holds everything we believe matters, rooted in ideas of success that were cemented in childhood.  Whereas the heart knows a deeper truth, one rooted in connection with our essence, our true self. Although I experienced great success with a pretty good-sized ego, I ultimately found myself feeling empty. An untamed ego can narrow our view steering us off course – eventually, my ego drove me off course.

Ego As the Driver

As a child, I remember the gratification I felt singing for my family and hearing their applause, the pride of winning my first award, and the excitement of seeing my first article published.  All of these things wouldn’t have happened without my ego driving me forward. Ego does have its place, until it doesn’t. My ego took the wheel and sped ahead, feeding on the validation I craved. Ego has an insatiable appetite. But as my success grew, I became more disconnected from myself. The funny thing is, I felt like I had complete control. No one told me otherwise, and even if they had, I wouldn’t have listened.

Ego as the Passenger

As the external validation continued, I wanted more. More validation, more success, more money. The constant demands of the ego’s push was starting to wear thin. I thought that maybe just maybe it was time to stop letting the ego control things and let me control things. (Insert laughter here. Silly girl, you’re never in control of anything other than your reactions and responses). As I moved the ego from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat, it was still vying for control. The ego couldn’t let things be. I continued to pay attention to how I truly felt when the ego was in charge. I worked to pay less attention to my head (ego homebase) with the focus on my heart.

Ego Takes the Back Seat

Over time, and it takes time, I realized the more I listen to my heart vs. the ego trained head, the less I focused on what others thought of me and focused on what I thought of me. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a self-exploration way. Am I living my life in a way that I’m proud of? Am I standing up for others when it really matters? Can I keep my heart and mind open, even in moments of deep disagreement? Ego doesn’t hold itself accountable, the heart, the soul does. The more questions I asked myself, the more I began to connect with the real point of my existence. I am not here for my greater good, but for the greater good of all.

Ego Then and Now

I will never dismiss the importance of ego and the role it played in my first half of life, but there came a time when it no longer served me. I love this quote by Goldie Hawn, “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” There is no doubt that awareness and understanding of ego comes in to play when we’re ready. Likely, when the desires of the ego don’t align with our heart. Age definitely plays a role in this realization which is one of the many silver linings to aging! Being able to put the ego in the backseat serves as a reminder to the ego, that although it will always be there, controlling the journey is no longer an option.

Here’s to leading with love.

Love,

Nicki