When I trust AI more than I trust myself, it’s a problem. – N. Anderson

It was love at first sight with AI.

As someone who has always loved to write but doubted my skills,  AI was a miracle. you see, I didn’t have a formal education to teach me how to conjugate a verb, avoid fragments, correct syntax, etc. So, every time I would put my writing out there, I assumed someone would point out my errors in front of the world, everything from punctuation to run-on sentences.

In fact, a friend of mine who is a well-known writer gave me a “cheat sheet” on how to correctly use commas. She didn’t do it to be mean; she did it because she knows how much I worry about comma placement.

Over time, I’ve come to learn that commas are a big deal to some people. Like, a really big deal. So, if my comma placement makes you uncomfy, I’m sorry. It’s my style, and I’m sticking with it.

I digress.

Discovering AI to help my writing was similar to the first time I used training wheels to ride a bike.

Holy cow! Look at me!

With AI, I felt like it was the answer to my limited writing skills, turning me into a prolific, respected writer.

That was until the shame crept in.

I felt ashamed because, as perfect as the grammar was, no run-on sentences, no repetition, no punctuation errors, it wasn’t me. Although AI always made sure to say, “This sounds just like you.”

Ugh, how I smiled in the beginning, shaking my head in agreement.

Over time, I felt like this program was really getting me and doing exactly what I needed to become the writer I always wanted to be. I trusted AI and believed that it was looking out for my success. Yes, it’s true, I trusted it more than me.

So, I began to wonder if there are other people as dependent on AI for their things, like friendship, stock tips — can you use AI for that? — and so on. Do we look to AI to help us with difficult conversations? Guilty as charged.

I came to rely on it for daily writing as one may rely on their morning coffee. I didn’t have to have it, but I wanted it, badly.

I started to notice I was writing less and less and simply prompting AI with my ideas. I noticed that although the formatting and flow were outstanding, it was empty. It wasn’t me. But more than that, I was starting to feel ashamed about it. I started feeling like it was an addiction. I’m certain my psychology friends would have plenty to say about this.

So, I made the decision to knock it off. To go back to writing my own stuff and simply check for grammatical and punctuation errors. To trust myself! Don’t touch the story, the quote, the conversation.

I know that for many, AI can do amazing things. And it certainly has helped me, but it will never be me, and I will not trust it more than me. I know that I have to trust myself and the mistakes I make and simply grow and learn from them like I always have, old school.

And maybe it’s also a lesson in Love-Led Leadership, too. It’s not about getting every word, or comma perfect. It’s about trusting yourself enough to lead from what is honest and true. Especially when it’s imperfect.

I’m not a great writer, but I’m a writer who loves every word I put together to weave a story or quote.  Since I’ve been a kid, I have loved to write. Sometimes I think about going back to school to take a writing class, but for now, I’ll just do it like I’ve done for over 30 years, without AI.

I’m committed to writing what’s in my heart, not through the dry script of AI. The breakup won’t be easy, but it’s time.

Here’s to leading with love,

Nicki

Tags: AI, know thy self, love, loveledleadership, trust, writing