“Love-led leadership knows that every time the shadow emerges, it grounds us and shines a light on what we’ve yet to learn.”  – N. Anderson

As much as we’d rather not admit it, we all have a dark side, or what Carl Jung calls “the shadow.” Jung introduced this concept in 1916 in his work On the Psychology of the Unconscious. He explains, “The shadow personifies everything the subject refuses to know about himself. Instead, we try to inhabit a world where we strive only to be the most perfect version of ourselves.” (Ego plays into this).

How the Shadow Shows Up

Let me explain through an experience with a client from a few years ago—let’s call him Jack. He reached out one day, referring to a colleague, and he said, “I don’t know why, but I cannot stand Tim. Every time I’m around him he gets on my nerves.”

I asked him, “What is it about Tim that bothers you so much?” Jack responded, “He’s just a know-it-all. He acts like he’s more important than he actually is, and he talks to people like they’re his best friends, even though I know he can’t stand them.”

I shared with Jack that often, when we “can’t stand” something about someone, they may be reflecting a part of ourselves, our shadow, that we haven’t yet acknowledged. This is why we get angry, defensive, or immediately dislike them—it’s our shadow at play.  You see, it’s much easier to point out others’ faults rather than our own. Why? Because the ego loves being “better than” and when you point out the flaws in others, it feeds your ego.

The Benefit of Knowing the Shadow

I first learned about our shadow self about five years ago, and it’s been a fascinating yet challenging journey. Admitting that we all have a darker side is intimidating, but it’s the first step to real growth. Again, the ego convinces us, “It’s them, not me.” So, until you’re ready to put the ego in the passenger’s seat, you’ll never come to terms with imperfection. The good news is that once we acknowledge our shadow, we can work to understand it, often with the help of a professional.

When we understand our shadow self, we’re able to better understand ourselves when we respond in negatives ways to different situations.

Think about someone that gets on your last nerve, perhaps you’re seeing something in them that is something you may possess yet ignore because it’s not complimentary. But when you understand it, your entire approach with that person, and future situations can shift.

I’ve said it many times: I am a work in progress, but I love the work. Every time I learn something new about myself, it’s an opportunity for growth and showing up, I hope, as a better version of myself.

What does your shadow have to teach you? 

Here’s to leading with love!

Love, Nicki